(Did Sally ever turn Kevin into the lover she needed? How long did Kara stay with Mac? Wasn’t it pretty clear that he’d never leave his wife?) But sometimes we do get to witness the breakthrough moments we hope for in our own lives, summed up perfectly by one patient who blessedly opted for divorce: “I can’t pretend to not know anymore what I now know.” Greer thinks that one deserves its own T-shirt. Greer is terrific at telling stories about people in various denial-related quandaries - to the extent that she sparked my inner soap-opera fan - and now I’d like to know what happened to them all. For example, the new partner who isn’t really available if you’re feeling sick or need help, but constantly asks you to assist him: Instead of seeing that he’s offloading responsibility, you begin to think, He needs me! Or when you’re seeing someone who refuses to spend time with you on weekends, claiming they require their space? You’re not high maintenance you’re simply (and unfortunately) being slotted into someone’s life at their convenience. It’s extraordinary, really, the way denial can twist you in knots. We need to face unpleasant and sometimes devastating truths to get on with our lives, and Greer breaks down the elements of denial into digestible components: wishing and hoping, missing the signs, believing what you’re told and turning a little into a lot. In AM I LYING TO MYSELF? How to Overcome Denial and See the Truth (Rowman & Littlefield, 272 pp., $24.95), the marriage and family counselor suggests, convincingly, that when it comes to relationships, being in a state of denial is probably the No. Jane Greer listens to people who make questionable decisions so you don’t have to. If you ever want a book that will make you say, Thank God I’m not a therapist, this is it:
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